i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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