dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
