Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
