Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
