Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
