I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
