Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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