if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
