remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
