I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
