I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
