Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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