Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
