How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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