another moral hangover. fuck.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
There's even glitter on my cock...
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