i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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