just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
