i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
