YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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