and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize