So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
