this just has baby written all over it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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