One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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