I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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