I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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