I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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