Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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