How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
