I hate your face
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
