as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
