I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
