her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize