He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
