Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
