There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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