My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize