i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Bring me that man meat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
