You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
