I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
