Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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