I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize