ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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