On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
