So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
