I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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