It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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