Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
