Yo dont text me then not text me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
