What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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