haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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