I am puke
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
