It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
