thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize