Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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