Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize