Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
