saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
