Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
