remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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