She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
