Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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