You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Randomize
