I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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