I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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