If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize