Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
