he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
