You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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