Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize