Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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