I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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