Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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