We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
