you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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