question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
