this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
