Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
