he puts the penis in happiness.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
