That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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