Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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