i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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