there's paper in my vomit.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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