I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize