i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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