Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
