I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
