then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize