i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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