the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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