i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
