her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
