Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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