I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
