I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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