my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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