I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
