Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
