I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize