theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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