Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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