i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
