Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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