Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize