College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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