She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
