I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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