Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
