hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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