i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
